Well, well, well, if we didn't Got Damn tell you so. The shit is going down now. They want our guns. They want our daughters. Granted, I ain't got any kids, but I know they want me to have 'em, probably queer-style, so they can take 'em. And you know why they want our daughters? So there are only men left to marry men.
So the militia in Oregon is taking on our government. I have it on good authority (my stepbrother Ned) that THIS IS THE BIG ONE!!! The conspiracies have all come to a head in Oregon (home of my favorite spice: oregono!). Ned and I were eating burritos last night talking about our plans. We're gonna get in our Toyota pickup (ISIS thinks they're going to steal American Toyota pride, they got another thing coming) and we're gonna put up posters about joining our brothers in Oregon.
How can YOU help? Well, grab all your guns from kid's hands and hit the road! If you can't make it, support Oregon by going to your local Piggly Wiggly and buying all the Oregono you can buy. I have it on good authority (Ned) that the proceeds will benefit the militia.
What will we do once we are FREE? We will, to quote a GREAT AMERICAN, "make America grate again." We will do this by:
1. Guns 2. No Mexicans 3. No Arabs 4. AMERICAN products only, like Toyotas, Anheuser-Busch BEERS, Good Humor Ice Cream, and our T-Mobile cell phones. 5. No Chinese 6. John Wayne carved into Mount RUSHMORE 7. Separate states for LIBERALS. When they move their, we put up a FENCE 8. FENCE is lined with automatic gun turrets like in FALLOUT 4 9. Waterboarding is back 10. Liberal media shutdown and replaced by real news reported by ME AND NED!!!
It has begun, friends. WOOOOHOOOOO!!!
Are You Syrious?
Liberals hate America, and nothing has ever proven it more than the fact that they want to give it to Syrians. You don’t just “come to America.” This isn’t hippie Canada where they say, “Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.” This is America.
Syria? Only one good thing ever came from Syria, and that’s Syrup. Now we’re going to open our borders to them just because we love pancakes? No effing way. These guys are terrorists. And that’s a fact that you can find on almost ANY site that isn’t run by the Mainstream Media.
Last year, we saw a picture of a little dead Syrian kid on a beach. HOW DID HE SWIM SO FAR? They’re on crazy Syrian drugs, which turns them into terrorists who can swim hundreds of miles AS TODDLERS.
They’re dangerous people. Add to that that no one even knows where Syria is. Do you know where Syria is? Didn’t think so. Here at American Conspiracy Info, we’re pretty sure Syria is somewhere near Mexico. Possibly just east of Indonesia, where the damn Indians came from. This is probably, and this is NOT confirmed so do not quote us, revenge from the Indians for taking their spices back in the old days of America.
Long story short people, we have to keep them out. Let them die in their own country, where they can’t do us any harm.
This is a picture of what LIBERAL AMERICA wants you to look like: a fool pointing a banana at an intruder. That’s because they’ve taken your gun by first taking your God given right to carry a gun.
Now there’s a black guy outside trying to break in your house. And what are you going to shoot him with? A banana? That won’t work. The best you can do is throw it and hope they chase it.
Did I mention that the black guy has a gun? Because bad guys don’t follow the rules. You do, because you’re an American. And even though this is a LIBERAL AGENDA to take your guns, if they change the Constitution (ILLEGAL), you will follow the law as a White American.
We at American Conspiracy Info are tired of hearing that we don’t need assault weapons. Don’t we? The government has them, and we should be able to have every instrument of death that the government has. Because when they turn against us, we need to be armed. We want tanks, too. And those cool drones that bomb instead of taking pictures.
God knows when the government comes to South Dakota—or when ISIS does—we will fight back. The last thing those Arabs want is to die. We’ll shoot through their suicide vests and END THAT SHIT.
This is our definition of Gun Control: we control what we want, because we have guns.
Good luck fighting terrorists IN YOUR TOWN with a banana. That's what liberals want.
So it has come to our attention here at American Conspiracy Info that LIBERALS ARE GETTING TO OUR KIDS to place false flags in their fight against guns.
We’re not sure how they’re doing it but they’re getting kids to shoot their parents or themselves or their little sisters. You’ll find this in the MAINSTREAM MEDIA as stories with FALSE FLAG headlines like: Five-year-old boy accidentally shoots 3-year-old sister. These shootings are orchestrated by Hussein Obama himself as a way to get people to think that guns are dangerous.
This is despicable. Obama cares about nothing but his TERRORIST AGENDA because he is a secret agent of Islam. He thinks nothing about brainwashing kids to kill their parents.
BROTHERS: Keep your weapons under the bed or in a closet or in the garage, where your kids can’t find them. This is never more important than now. I have it on good authority (my stepbrother Ned) that he’s brainwashing them through the Internet. Be careful.
IMPORTANT: please ask your kids to stop shooting their parents or themselves.
We at American Conspiracy Info have it on good authority (my stepbrother Ned) that on his last day as president (which can’t come soon enough), Obama will take the American flag down and raise the ISIS flag AND REFUSE TO LEAVE THE WHITE HOUSE.
Even worse, he will declare that we are all under arrest for not being Muslims. The American Army will then be the ISIS army, and they will be going door to door cutting off heads.
We believe that you should study up on the Koran just to know enough to fool them for when this day comes. We will need more guns and more ammo for this day, so stock up!
Once a Hussein, always a Hussein
Hippie Tree Love
Trees have sap. A sap is what a Liberal is. Coincidence?
Tree hugging is directly responsible for many problems in this country. Dagnabit, what would this country be if we never cut down a tree? It would be TREES. NOTHING BUT TREES.
Log cabins are made from trees. White picket fences, from trees. The paper the Constitution (and the right to bear arms), also from trees.
Once you hug a tree, you get sap on you. And you become a sap. We at American Conspiracy Info have it on Good Authority (my stepbrother Ned) that most of the wrongs in this country have happened directly because of tree hugging hippies and their LIBERAL AGENDA.
They wanted gays to marry and now—mark my words—they will want to be able to marry trees. The GAY AGENDA was all a ploy to pave the way for MAN/TREE LOVE.
At that point, cutting down a tree will be murder. How sick is that? How much do these people hate America that they want to make it illegal to make paper? It’s a ploy to get rid of money, I think. That’s what I think. No paper, no paper money. No paper money, no way for a hard working white man to get ahead.
Buy a gun. Cut down a tree. Be American.
It is not natural to love a tree as much as Liberal commie bastards love trees.
The Chinese Are Coming
It started innocently enough. A Chinese restaurant here. A laundromat there. A kung fu academy where they train secret agents.
And then suddenly, they had their own towns. Chinatown. Every city has one. They’re infiltrating.
Now they’re eating our pets and taking our jobs. They speak a language that is UNLEARNABLE, not that we would want to learn it.
Their food has MSG in it, which is also Madison Square Garden. Meaning what? Only that the Madison Square fricking Garden is a CHINESE FRONT, my friends, and we’re all so naively unaware. In the underbelly of that ONCE GREAT AMERICAN ICON are now Chinese warriors waiting to emerge.
There are billions of Chinese. Yet I have it on good authority (my stepbrother Ned) that the LIBERAL AGENDA is to turn the whole country gay. Which means no more American children. We will be overrun by the Chinese as they come here from Japan and Korea and Hong Kong and fill the void that THE GAYS have left.
So before you sit your GREAT AMERICAN FAMILY down to dinner, take a minute to think before you order Chinese food. Do you know what’s in it other than cats? MSG (mind control drug), soy sauce (which turns the skin yellow), and teriyaki sauce (actually pretty delicious with no ill effects, as far as we can tell).
Get McDonald’s instead. Over one billion served, but not a billion Chinese.
Is there a SECRET LIBERAL AGENDA to get us taken over by the Chinese?
Just a note that my stepbrother Ned and I are starting a militia and the first meeting is coming up. We need WHITE MEN WITH GUNS to join us to protect the Southernmost Dakota. Please bring the following to our first meeting:
5.Plans to fight ISIS
6.World map with ISIS on it
7.Thrash metal CDs
9.Batteries for the CD player
10.Beer (AMERICAN like Bud, Coors, or Corona)
11.Pictures of LIBERAL (target practice)
12.Conspiracy theories you KNOW about
13.Ideas for a girlfriend for Ned
We look forward to SAVING AMERICA with you.
Anyone know how to make one of these beer fire things? We plan on drinking A LOT OF BEER to make A LOT OF BEER FIRES.
This is a placeholder. more IMPORTANT CONSPIRACY NEWS will be coming here as it develops. STAY AWAY FROM MAINSTREAM LIBERAL HIPPIE COMMIE MEDIA. And read the real news right here.
Jeans. T-shirt. As A-fucking-merican as you get.
Hold Your Horses
Whoa there, Tonto! We can't fill every space right away. News is news. We can't just MAKE SHIT UP to fill the news, like the LIBERAL MAINSTREAM MEDIA does. As news BREAKS, the rest of the site will fill out. God Save America.
How long before the GAY AGENDA has us wanting to do it with horses? Not long, I'm afraid. BEWARE the gay agenda.