Well, well, well, if we didn't Got Damn tell you so. The shit is going down now. They want our guns. They want our daughters. Granted, I ain't got any kids, but I know they want me to have 'em, probably queer-style, so they can take 'em. And you know why they want our daughters? So there are only men left to marry men.
So the militia in Oregon is taking on our government. I have it on good authority (my stepbrother Ned) that THIS IS THE BIG ONE!!! The conspiracies have all come to a head in Oregon (home of my favorite spice: oregono!). Ned and I were eating burritos last night talking about our plans. We're gonna get in our Toyota pickup (ISIS thinks they're going to steal American Toyota pride, they got another thing coming) and we're gonna put up posters about joining our brothers in Oregon.
How can YOU help? Well, grab all your guns from kid's hands and hit the road! If you can't make it, support Oregon by going to your local Piggly Wiggly and buying all the Oregono you can buy. I have it on good authority (Ned) that the proceeds will benefit the militia.
What will we do once we are FREE? We will, to quote a GREAT AMERICAN, "make America grate again." We will do this by:
2. No Mexicans
3. No Arabs
4. AMERICAN products only, like Toyotas, Anheuser-Busch BEERS, Good Humor Ice Cream, and our T-Mobile cell phones.
5. No Chinese
6. John Wayne carved into Mount RUSHMORE
7. Separate states for LIBERALS. When they move their, we put up a FENCE
8. FENCE is lined with automatic gun turrets like in FALLOUT 4
9. Waterboarding is back
10. Liberal media shutdown and replaced by real news reported by ME AND NED!!!
It has begun, friends. WOOOOHOOOOO!!!